Pain

I'm a bit upset. I keep getting chest pains and its scaring me. There's nothing that I can do about it, and I asked someone for a lift to the hospital and they said, "No". So thats nice isn't it? What a kind person. I would help anyone. Its very depressing when people don't extend that same courtesy to you. Some people have very questionable morals. But whats the point of dwelling on this?

Anyway, I went to see my dad today who is in his eighties. He's great. I love him. Its so nice to talk to him and chat about his life. My brothers were also there, so that was nice. I'm really worried about the thought of getting ill again (mentally unwell) that is. I don't think I can deal with that again.

I think alot about my life and sometimes I think that I've failed. Failed to do what I was supposed to do. I know that I'm on the right path but it has had alot of obstacles along the way. I've been in such pain. I just can't deal with that again.

I just don't understand. Sometimes, I think that life is so unfair. I love my life, but I would have rather have not been in pain when I was growing up and later in life. I wish things could have been different.

Art is what keeps me strong. But at times I wonder why I bother, because no-one really cares. I rarely get the praise I deserve. And I find that very depressing. I'm going to keep making art, but I wish people would take notice. I find it so utterly depressing.

I'm going to keep making art, but I feel sad sometimes.

I guess I have to keep trying, thats all I can do.

Katy.